CAREGIVING OPTIONS: “We feel that as part of our mission as a senior center for aging well, we want to educate members of the community about aging, and give them information about resources and opportunities. This is the focus of our annual fall conference, providing topics of interest to seniors and their families.” Susan W. Hoskins, LCSW, executive director of the Princeton Senior Resource Center (PSRC) (left), is shown with her mother JoAnn Woodman at a PSRC holiday event.

Caregiving in the U.S. is at an all-time high. According to the AARP report “Caregiving in the U.S.,” an estimated 43.5 million adults in the country provided unpaid care to an adult or child in the prior 12 months. Eighty-five percent care for a relative, nearly one half of whom are over age 75. 10 percent care for a spouse, and 10 percent of the caregivers are themselves over age 75. 60 percent of the recipients have at least one chronic health condition, and nearly one quarter have dementia.

The population of the U.S. is aging. Every day, 10,000 Baby Boomers turn 65, and this will continue for several years. Caregiving is rapidly becoming a critical issue.

“Family caregiving can be an eight to 10-year journey,” explains Susan W. Hoskins, LCSW, director of the Princeton Senior Resource Center (PSRC). “It is both rewarding and taxing, often starting small, but in time, the load gets heavier and more complex. Many families do not have the financial resources to use care outside the family or will need to use a blend of paid and family care. A family caregiver needs to have knowledge of the disease process, physical and emotional care, nutrition, finance, benefit programs, family dynamics, end of life, and how to manage all the components.

“This awareness led us to select family caregiving as the theme of PSRC’s annual fall conference and the title ‘Compassion for Self and Others.’”

Care System

“Selecting this topic has been very personal for me,” continues Ms. Hoskins. “This year, my parents began to need more help, and I learned that it is a lot easier to coach other people on how to manage all the aspects of care than to listen to my own counsel. I had to learn about how to navigate the care system where they live, to find my ‘team’ among the many doctors, nurses, social workers, and other staff. I had to figure out when the system worked for us, and when it didn’t.

“I had to screw up my courage to advocate for my parents, to ask for meetings and speak up when the ‘plan’ was not good for them. I had to change my schedule to be available more often to add shopping, bill-paying, appointment, and calendar management to my tasks, and to start asking ‘Am I the only one who can do this?’

The need for creative problem-solving is one of the major challenges, points out Ms. Hoskins. For example, “If we can’t garden in the community garden any more, what other options are there, and who do I need to talk to for it to happen? I am grateful to my husband who accompanies my parents to medical appointments when I can’t get away from work and for the nurses who come every morning to administer medications and check in; and to the staff and friends who call with reminders of events to attend. I am grateful to my caregiver groups and friends who have listened and made suggestions when I was at a loss. It can truly take a village to help people to age with dignity and self-determination.”

Telford J. Taylor, Director of Pastoral Care and Training, Robert Wood Johnson University, Hamilton, will deliver the keynote address for this year’s conference, and it will be followed by five workshops. Mr. Taylor holds a diplomate in pastoral supervision, and is board certified as a clinical chaplain at the College of Pastoral Supervision and Psychotherapy, with a clinical Fellowhship in hospice and palliative care.

His keynote address will emphasize the importance of support groups for spouses and children of aging parents, sharing the challenges of caregiving, and being kind to yourself.

As Ms. Hoskins points out, “This year, we want to put the emphasis on the need to be compassionate both for ourselves as caregivers and for those we care for. We need to interrupt the voice that says, ‘If only I was a better person, I could … ’; ‘if only I had … ’; or ‘why can’t she do that anymore …?’; ‘why is he so angry?’ After all, the caregiver can be dealing with the demands of aging parents, working at an outside job, having kids at home, who need help with homework, and still be trying to get dinner ready on time. This is a lot to handle.

Continental Breakfast

“As caregivers, we need to take care of ourselves so that we don’t become overwhelmed, depressed, isolated, and sick ourselves. When these things happen, we can’t provide the care that is needed, and we don’t have the resources to respond as care needs increase. Sometimes, the best care we can give is to know and accept our limitations and ask for help.”

The conference, at the Suzanne Patterson Building located on 1 Monument Drive, begins at 8:30 a.m. with registration and a continental breakfast provided by Bear Creek Assisted Living in West Windsor, followed by the keynote address and a question and answer session.

At 9:45, the resource fair, featuring a table with information from local caregiving services and other resources, will be available for those wishing to obtain additional information. Workshops begin at 10 a.m. and include the following:

“Practical Strategies for Family Caregivers” with Liz Charbonneau, certified senior advisor and owner of Homewatch Caregivers in Princeton. This workshop will provide an overview of strategies, including safety precautions, an understanding of assessing care needs, and identifying supplemental outside care resources, and medication management.

The second workshop is “Residential Care Options,” led by Connie Pizarro, a certified senior advisor and owner of Oasis Senior Advisors, a franchise which provides a free service helping families locate an appropriate assisted living or memory care community. She will describe the various services, features, and amenities to look for and where to find them, in order to discover a good fit for the family’s and senior’s needs.

“Activities for People with Dementia” will be led by Helen Bowerman, RN, MSN, Director of Nursing at Buckingham Place Adult Medical Day Care and Home Care. She is a geriatric clinical and managerial nurse, geriatric mental health nurse in dementia and Alzheimer’s care, and performs psychosocial care and education and wellness programs. The focus in this workshop is on ways to help someone be physically active and cognitively engaged; meaningful activities to help with late afternoon restlessness and agitated behaviors.

Long Term Care Planning

Fiona Van Dyck, founding partner of Van Dyck Law, LLC, with offices in Princeton and Newtown, Pa., is focused exclusively on estate planning, eldercare law, and estate administration. Her workshop will answer questions such as when should one plan for long term care? The aim of the workshop is to assist individuals and families in creating the estate or long term care plan that will provide peace of mind.

“Staying Organized (and Sane)” is the theme of the last workshop. Soni Pahade, Director of Admission and Marketing for Morris Hall Meadows in Lawrenceville, has a Master of Science in Gerontology and more than 20 years experience working with elders and their families. This workshop will discuss how to keep track of important information, including medical history, medication list, medical appointments, financial and other key paperwork.

Lunch, provided by Brandywine Senior Living, will be served after the workshops.

Ms. Hoskins wants people to know that individuals of all ages can be engaged in caregiving. “We help people understand that whatever age you are, you could be involved in caring for someone — grandparents, for example. People might have been brought up by their grandparents, and are now caring for them.

“The caregiver can be a care coordinator, arranging help from the neighborhood and community. Various individuals can come together to help with shopping, paperwork, and provide care and companionship.

“I want people to hold onto the idea that they are doing the best they can. Caregiving is a reality and a constant. Even when you are not actively involved in providing care at a given time, it is still on your mind. I meet once a month with caregivers of aging parents or spouses, and we all have a hard time being kind to ourselves. It’s the pressure and build up of stress. Caregivers need to recognize that they can become exhausted.

“I call it ‘Caregiver Creep’. It’s a continuum. For example, you start out just dropping off the person at the grocery store, and then later go back to pick them up. But then, you find you need to walk through the store with them in case they become lost or confused. So, you don’t have time to go for coffee or tend to your own errands. Next, you may need to put the groceries away, and now, perhaps you need to do the cooking.

10-Minute Walk

“So, now, what started as an hour of helping out has become much more time-consuming, and you don’t have time for yourself that can be helpful, such as yoga, exercise, or lunch with a friend.

“Also, caregivers tend to put off doctors’ appointments, getting mammograms, etc. You don’t want to put your own health at risk. It is really important to do things for yourself. You can start small: take a 10-minute walk, try some kind of meditation, or just something enjoyable you can do for yourself. Be in the moment, and try not to think about that ‘To Do’ list.”

It is also difficult to recognize and accept the role reversal, notes Ms. Hoskins. “Parents used to be in charge and now that falls to you. You may have to say, ‘Dad. maybe you shouldn’t be driving anymore,’ and he may resist and possibly become resentful.”

Also, she adds, all situations are different, and the personalities are different. Some people accept the new conditions as best they can, but others can be upset and irritable.

“At PSRC, we want to offer all the information to help people find the resources they need. Our conference is a way for individuals to realize there are many services and resources out there that can guide them as they serve as caregivers. It can be lonely for a caregiver, and this is an opportunity to connect with each other and share concerns and information.

“For me, the moment that makes it all worthwhile is when people leave and say ‘Thank you, thank you. I learned so much.’ They are so grateful. They can be overwhelmed when they come in. We’re all juggling a lot of pieces. It’s a big puzzle to put together, and the puzzle pieces keep changing. You need to have a lot of flexibility, and try to make each moment count for the one you are caring for and for yourself.”

The conference, at the Suzanne Patterson Building at 1 Monument Drive, will take place on November 12, from 8:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. Online registration is available at princetonsenior.org. Suggested donation is $5 at the door. 150 people are expected to attend.